I'm naming the boy James. This I decided. But I cannot choose a name for my guy. Originally it was Anko, Simadzu Anko, as in "Ank", Egyptian cross symbolizing life, and yes, that was relevant for the story. But now... I just don't know. Names are important for me. I'm thinking, maybe, Richard or Alexander... but that is still undecided.
Anyway, I promised to tell you about the conflict in the story and why is it important for me (i.e. why I want to write about it at all). My main theme has always been relationships: between humans, between a human and himself, and between a human and society. I am conflicted myself in this area, there are so many questions I still don't know how to answer, and human beings are so complicated and different, and they always react some unexpected way... and one of the most important questions for me is: love vs freedom.
Love is a beautiful thing: to have someone to care about and be cared in return, to connect to someone - this I consider a true happiness. But on the other hand: when you are in a relationship, you have to give up on a part of your freedom. And I don't only talk about romantic love. When you love someone, you give him your time and a place in your life. When you are alone you can do what you want: pick a flight and go to another country, watch TV all weekend, eat crazy food, work on your dream job for fifteen hours a day, and so on, and so on. When you are not alone, you need to include other person in everything you do. You cannot set relationship on pause, stop talking to your spouse or your kid for a week, and then pick up like nothing happend. I love this freedom. I love to disappear sometimes, to know that I can change a job, a town or country any time I want, that I can spend days being lazy, etc.. But I want kids. I want family. So this is the conflict: how do you balance these things if you truly need both of them?
Of course, I'm not the first to ask this question. But it's one of those questions that you can only answer for yourself and for a small group of people like you. And this is the main conflict in my future story.
My Richard-Alexander guy is 27, he is a single IT guy and a geek. He isn't very sociable, but he isn't socially akward too, though he was in his teens. Not ugly, but not beautiful. Not a genius, but not dumb. Just an ordinary guy, who is used to living alone and having his life for himself aside from time to time family obligations. And then the kid happens. Richard-Alexander doesn't hate kids, he even thought about having his own in the future, after meeting the love of his life... but that's a completely different story, because now he gets a twelve years old boy, and he supposed to instantly know how to be a father. Unless he wants to give kid to adoption or send him to some private school, so he wouldn't need to getting know him. Anyway, he need to adjust his life to this new circumstances, and he will explore himself in the process (and so will I).
James is, obviously, the other side of this story. He lost his mother, and he doesn't really have anyone now (details revealed in the story) except of this new "father" guy, few friends, and maybe a teacher or two who care about him. And he is a teenager too. He starts at not trusting Richard-Alexander, and being polite and closed up because - hey, he depends on that adult! He doesn't want to really piss him off and be sent away or beaten up. He doesn't know the guy. He is just a kid. It's hard for him.
I consider children intelligent human beings from the age of two (maybe earlier). They already have their thoughts and dreams at that age, they have fears and interests, likes and dislikes. And a twelve years old is a very capable and complicated person. I remember myself being a child and always being pushed aside as "she's just a kid, what does she know?". I also have two younger brothers. I know kids. I am actually good with them when I have a chance. It's very upsetting that adults rarely take children seriously, and I want to show it in the story.
And of course there would be bumps and failures for these two. That's what conflict means. But I promise they will get through.
I really like the story already, and I keep thinking about it, so I hope very much that I would be able to write it. Wish me luck (and to stop being the lazy ass I am)?
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